Oh, there is gonna be a riot on the radio.
A riot of fun and laughter.
Yes, that's right, because it is time for Adam and Joe on the radio for two hours.
Yes.
Yes.
We can't really get away with West Country impressions.
What with the... Is Justin E. Collins coming in after us?
Yeah, that's why I was doing it, though.
Oh, was it?
He's done very well with it.
I just thought maybe it's time we got a bit more wedding to the top, you know?
We've got facial hair, Joe.
Facial hair.
Yes.
And a strange accent.
You make a lot of money.
Can I tell the listeners what we've got to give them today?
Because we like to bribe people at the top of the show to keep them listening.
Yeah, go on.
Today we've got On Back gift packs to give away.
On Back backpacks.
On Back backpacks!
It's actually not an On Back backpack.
That's probably actually Ty and slightly racist.
It's actually a shoulder bag with On Back written on it so everyone who passes you in the street will think you're a kickboxer and inside there's an On Back DVD and an On Back t-shirt.
So the logo, is it written On Back?
What do you mean?
Is it written racistly?
No.
In a stereotypical manner?
Is that what you're asking?
I was just saying it.
Is it on the back?
And I was just trying to make a joke.
Oh, is it on the back?
Yeah.
In fact, we did, we did, uh...
We did lots of jokes after I first saw Wrong Back.
I texted my friend, uh, I'll be sleeping on my back tonight.
Um, that was towards the end of the jokes.
You know?
That was the last text.
Presumably you didn't get a reply from that one.
Um, okay, well if that isn't enough, we've also got two copies of Sin City, starring Bruce Willis and Jessica Alba.
I haven't seen that film yet.
Apparently it's kind of brutal.
It's very brutal.
It's utterly inhuman.
Nobody does anything in it that any human being would ever do.
Nobody feels the way that any human being would ever feel.
It's utterly on Mars, but it's quite fun.
It's a cartoon, grandad.
Get with it.
Ah, it's actually, yeah, based on a cartoon.
Yeah.
But live action.
Right, I know, but it's cartoonish.
Yeah, yeah, you know, but get to my age.
You want something in a film to actually speak to you on some level.
Man, I agree with you.
I was playing devil's advocate there.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, can you not play- I've got a goatee, look.
I look like the devil's advocate, don't I?
You do.
We've also got one pair of tickets to the 10th anniversary PS2 UK B-Boy.
Oh, that's a good prize.
Are you gonna steal that?
I might steal that.
I might have to retract that prize.
One pair of tickets to the 10th anniversary PS2, PlayStation 2, UK B-Boy championships at the Carling Brixton Academy, just round the corner.
Yeah, nice one.
From where we live.
On Sunday the 9th of October.
That'll be fantastic.
The B-Boy Championships.
And one pair of tickets to see the coral at the Academy Brixton on the 20th of October.
That's an amazing line-up of prizes.
That's very good prizes.
Hey, what's a B-Boy Championship, incidentally?
Well, that'll be like rapping or scratching or breakdancing or just, you know, generally being a B-Boy.
What does B stand for?
Uh, a boogie.
Boogie Boys?
Yes, a boogie.
I want to go to the Boogie Boys party.
You probably can't go.
You're not cool enough.
Oh, no.
And you've got a goatee now.
That's true.
So in order to win those, we'll be playing the crap commentary competition, we'll be playing Ditties in the Dock.
What else have we got?
We've got a lot of good music, man.
We'll have a text competition and a lot of great music, so stay tuned.
Shall we start the great music?
Yeah, well, that was the Dead Sixties, incidentally, that we opened up with, which sounded good to me.
That was my first listen for the Sixties there.
Riot Radio, and I loved it.
Now we've got The Killers with Jenny Was a Friend of Mine.
That's the Mooney Suzuki with Alive and Amplified.
And before that, you heard the Killers.
And before that, with?
Jenny was a friend of mine.
Before that, we told you a lie.
It's not just Cindy Collins coming on after us, it's Marsha.
So we can do all the West Country accents we like.
Yeah, cos Martha's normal.
She's normal.
She's a normal person.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
You can text us on 83XFM.
You can e-mail us at Adam and Joe, what is it, at XFM.co.uk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And when the time comes, you can phone us on 0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9.
If you want to win those on-back backpacks or Sin City or any of that stuff, then that's the number you need.
0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9.
Do you want to hear my celebrity news this week, Adam?
I'd love to.
Man, you've got more names to drop than anyone I've ever met.
I went to the Revolver premiere this week.
Wow, you're so lucky!
Guy Ritchie's new film revolver.
I, Joe Cornish, went to the premiere.
That's right.
I was two rows behind my dog.
I was in the row in front of Sting and Trudy Stylin.
And all sorts of gangsters were there.
It was kind of like the, you know, the cast of Sexy Beast in the audience.
Yeah.
Was Johnny the Hat there?
Oh, almost definitely.
Wow!
Was Frankie Fingers there?
Frankie Fingers wasn't there, no.
He was out for a drink with Clive Cufflinks.
Percy Pickles.
Percy Piggy?
What?
The cast of Trumpton.
Now, what?
Dirty Percy Pickles.
Dirty Percy Pickles wasn't there.
He's still in Chokey, sorry.
He's in Chokey.
Is that what they call it?
Yeah.
God, you're so good on gangster talk.
I like a gangster.
Anyway, the whole place smelt like a, what's a gangster expression, a cheap dime store whore shop.
Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh
Not true.
The crowd didn't boo Madonna.
The press booed Madonna.
The photographers did.
The public didn't care.
Why were they booing her?
Cos she wouldn't post the whole thing.
The story was.
Yeah.
Cos when you go to a premiere in the West End, you've got to do a Tom Cruise and shake everybody's hands.
And basically your star status is gauged on the amount of attention you pay to the crowd.
And so Madonna just shunned the crowd.
She walked straight in.
They call it doing a Britney.
is that what they call it?
No they don't, I just made that up.
Do they?
I wish they were.
But do you remember, Britney did the same thing, do you remember?
Britney did, yeah, and she got roundly booed, and look at her career now.
I know, it's amazing.
Down the plug hole.
Down the plug hole.
It's amazing.
Yeah.
She's got that awful show, Britney Spears Chaotic.
But that's another subject.
Anyway, so I went in, and do you know what?
No.
Listening public.
The film is bad, but it's not that bad, and in fact, I think it's the most interesting Guy Ritchie film.
Really?
Because it's about the inside of his brain.
Wow!
It's about a man who's conned himself to a fortune, and he can't quite work out how he's done it.
Now who could that be based on?
Yeah.
Hmm that's amazing and it's quite good.
I wouldn't bother paying for the cinema But maybe rent it on DVD if like if you ever was stupid enough to rise a thesis on Guy Ritchie That's the film you'd go to it's like an x-ray of his insane life It's like how am I so lucky?
How am I living in a mansion with Madonna when I've made these British films?
Yeah
And so he's the sort of con man character and the film's about him trying to work out on a philosophical level how he's got there.
And you know what?
I think it gives away some of Guy Ritchie's tricks as well.
Revolver is actually a handbook to being very successful if you're talentless.
Right.
Yeah?
So that's my movie going tip this week.
Well I'm going to go and see it because I'm talentless and I want to be successful.
There you go.
And the only problem was it's quite long and I really wanted to have a wee and I couldn't go out because I didn't want to push past Sting.
so what did you do did you wee on sting no i just held it in but i couldn't push past sting because of how fragile he is yeah yeah and he'd probably say don't stand don't stand don't stand so close to me i hadn't thought of that one and you know where the after show party was for revolvers no only london's classiest venue
Waxy O'Connor's.
Waxy's?
How can you have the after party for a major West End premiere at Wack- No insult to Waxy O'Connor's.
Waxy's?
You might as well have it at Garfunkel's or the Aberdeen Steakhouse.
Or Big Un's.
Or Big Un's.
Big Un's Ribs.
They could have called it Big Gun's.
And, you know, I should be working for a PR.
That's great, man.
That's a good story.
I'm gonna go see Revolver.
I hope he's listening because he could put some of the things you said on the poster.
He really could.
There's only one quote on that poster from The Sun.
Guy Ritchie, back to his brilliant best.
And I was thinking, like, surely that's got a few quid of, you know, probably change hands for that.
I think it's his best film.
It's not saying much, but I think it's Ritchie's best film.
So you agree with The Sun?
I- Well, no, because I don't think there's a brilliant best to go back to.
Right.
But it arrives at his best.
His zenith.
Maybe not his brilliant best.
Arrives at his best what?
His best.
His best.
That's what you can have.
Yeah.
Joe Cornish, XFM.
Fantastic.
Bye.
What a result.
Here's a free play for you.
It's the Stooges.
Come on, it's hard to argue with that.
That's down on the street from the Stooges.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
Time for some adverts now, but we're gonna be back with our competition.
Er, the crap commentary corner, so stick with it.
with Feel Good Inc.
Someone said to me the other day that they thought gorillas were kind of doing now what Beck used to do, but doing it kind of better than Beck.
With a touch of the Wombles.
With a bit of the Wombles.
It's a formula for success.
So this is Adam and Jo on XFM.
It's time for Crap Commentary Corner.
Have we got a jingle?
OK, I'll waffle while you get the jingle.
This is Crap Commentary Corner.
We're gonna play you an excerpt from a DVD commentary.
You have to tell us what the film is that you're hearing commentary to and who is doing the commentary.
And in a movie they're critiquing Go ahead, it's easy You can use IMDb There you go, there's a little clue, you can use IMDb Uh, so, what would we do without the word crap?
We'd have no career, no career Remember the numbers 0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9 0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9 Pass over here to get through the XFM phone system And you'll be speaking to the lovely Xanthi, who's on the phones today Hello Xanthi
And you could win.
What are we gonna give away?
Copies of Sin City?
Possibly tickets to see The Coral.
Possibly tickets to the Carling Academy 10th anniversary PS2 UK B-Boy Championships.
I tell you what, let's give a copy of Sin City to anyone who gets it wrong.
OK.
And the person who gets it right can choose.
So even if you call in with the wrong answer and get on the air, you'll get a copy of Sin City.
Yeah, exactly.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's the kind of people we are.
I was gonna say something that rhymes with city and has something to do with Jessica Alba, but I stopped myself.
knockers yeah was that a sort of thing but i stopped myself um because she's lovely isn't she jessica she's lovely oh dear but she gets treated badly in the film doesn't she oh dear um yeah what does she everyone gets treated badly everyone gets in sin city so that's what you can win oh eight seven one two two two one oh four nine shall we hear the first clip listen very closely tell us who are these actors talking and what's the movie they're talking about
None of us knew that that Cruz was going to become Tom Cruise, but he sure did.
Cruz was the was the most committed actor on the set.
I mean, he really is for the amount that he ought to head.
Yeah, he was was extremely into it.
He was the first one in rehearsal, the last one to leave.
We all used to kid Tom about his seriousness.
He always treated every scene like it was an aria.
Yeah, it was just incredible.
We were all trying to eat the furniture.
Tom Cruise just ate more of the furniture than the rest of us.
Good times.
That's a load of failed access.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Trying to figure out why.
They're not as successful as The Cruiser.
I don't know what this film is.
What an amazing room full of people.
Uh, on that commentary, not in this studio.
Um, 08712221 of 49.
We've got a couple more clips if you don't get it yet, but you could win a prize just for being wrong.
Who was that?
And what movie were they talking about?
Shall we have another one?
OK, let's have, uh, clip number two.
Let's have another.
Tom Cruise is the most competitive guy I know.
And it comes off in his work.
And I think it's one of the reasons why he's one of the greatest actors of our time and has gotten to the places that he's gotten to.
And I adore him.
I know where my money is.
Yeah, but he simply would not.
I was supposed to win this, I think, in the script, and he just was not going to have it.
Not that I could have beaten him.
He's a strong, he's a strong man.
He's a strong man.
He's a strong, sexy man.
I wish I could have gone to all the places he's gone to, like Penelope Clues.
Could you hear them stopping themselves from going, uh, from basically slagging him off?
Yeah, yeah.
One of them starts going, basically there's a little space for them to start slagging him off, one of them starts going, uh... Don't go there.
That's where my money is.
He's about to say, ah, ah, you know, my money's on Tom, I'm not slagging him off.
But then he stops himself.
Anyway, who are those people and what film are they talking about?
08712221049.
We'll have a bit of music now and then we'll come back.
Maybe we play one more clip before we take some calls.
Good idea.
But, er, get phoning now.
Er, yeah, you've given the number, haven't you?
Yeah.
087122210... You could win prizes!
Prizes!
Here's the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.
There you go, that's the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club with Weight of the World.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM and it's competition time.
Crap commentary corner, hey!
Listen, listen, we've got a bit of a thing here in the studio because we've got loads of wrong answers, loads of calls, all wrong answers.
And I think people have got the wrong end of the stick.
They've got the Tom Cruise shaped end.
Yeah.
And I think we should play you one more clip.
The thing about this movie is that it is not a Tom Cruise film.
It's actually from before there was such a thing as a Tom Cruise film.
Right.
So there's a big clue.
And here's another clip that doesn't focus on Cruise so much.
He's in the film, but he's not the main player.
OK, here we go.
So I think you guys should try calling again 08712221049, cos frankly the only person who's got it right is someone I know, Rhys Thomas, at home.
And I'm not giving away valuable promotional goodies to a man who's wealthier than the Queen of the Moon.
Erm, and she's a very, very wealthy woman.
So here's another clip for you.
Ralph, you killed that.
Oh, killed that.
That was just unbelievable, man.
That just killed me.
I'm just ripped apart.
You're gonna have to jump you after this.
That was just beautiful, man.
That was just beautiful.
So unforced and just, oh, this is wonderful.
That's Annie.
Pretty gay in the studio there.
If you know the movie, you might recognise that music.
So there's someone called Ralph they're talking about there.
And it's so unforced, and I'm gonna have to jump you.
That was amazing.
You pulled it out of your trousers there in a sexy way, and I'm impressed by you.
So there you go.
That's a lot of clues you've got there.
0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine.
It's got somebody called Ralph in it as well.
You should be able to get that.
Get on the phones!
0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine.
Now, I'm gonna see my favourite band are in town next week, Spoon.
They're playing Coco in Camden.
Never been there before.
Apparently it's a good venue.
Ever been there?
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Hot new venue!
Anyway, come along.
It'll be fun.
We can hang out.
I'll buy you a drink, maybe some Tizer.
This is their new single.
It's called Sister Jack.
Come on that spoon with sister Jack playing this Friday at Coco in Camden do come along.
It'll be a fantastic evening I'm sure now we've got a couple of people on the line who think they know the answer to this week's crap commentary corner Derek Are you there?
Are you doing Derek?
Yeah, good.
Are you I'm assuming that you're either part of the protest march going through central London Or you're probably making your way to Trafalgar Square for Rolf Harris's unveiling of the Mona Lisa constructed entirely from bits of crap
Yeah, I'm good with them today, yeah, and more.
OK, good.
So, er, Derek, who do you think was the, erm, peop- who, who, what?
I can't think it through.
Who was, who was, er, I can't say it either.
Who, what was that film?
What was the film?
Erm, I think it was Legend.
Mmm, what do you think it's Legend?
Erm, I'm not too sure.
You kinda threw me off when you were saying pre-Tom Cruise.
Mmm, mmm.
I'm not for the big corny devil aspect of it.
Right.
Right.
That's bizarre logic.
Um.
That's all I remember from the film, sir.
Oh, Derek, yeah.
Is Legend one of your favourite films?
Do you like that film?
Yeah.
I have loads of copies of it.
With that funny little, little, little midget boy.
Yeah.
The guy that was in Tindra.
That's right.
The little, weird little, he's sort of like Verne Troyer for the 70s.
Um, yeah, he's a good actor though, I forget his name.
Kevin Thompson or something, I don't know.
Uh, well, I'm sorry Derek, you're wrong.
No problem.
Uh, do you want a copy of Sin City anyway?
I wouldn't mind.
On DVD?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Well, it's yours.
Excellent.
Just for getting it wrong, that's how generous we are.
That's fantastic.
And, uh, you know, thanks for calling.
Yeah, thanks very much Derek, cheers.
Derek sounds like a nice guy.
Sounds like a good man.
I wanna hang out with Derek.
Who else have we got?
Brett.
Hello Brett.
Hey Brett.
How you doing mate?
Very good Brett, how are you doing?
What are you doing?
I'm driving home from work.
Right.
What's work?
I've just installed a ceiling in King's Drive.
Installed a ceiling.
One screw in each corner.
Back in the van.
Home for a couple of Siggy's and Ant and Dec.
Bloody right.
Yeah.
So, Brett, what do you think that movie was?
Is it perhaps The Outsiders?
Now, why do you think it's The Outsiders?
Because of the dodgy lingo they were using.
The dodgy lingo?
What sort of dodgy lingo?
Oh, was he saying I'm going to have to jump here or something?
Yeah, that was Diane Lane saying that she wanted to jump Ralph Macchio because his performance at the end of the film is so beautiful.
Well, that's true, but that whole movie, you're right, Brett.
It is, of course, The Outsiders, Francis Ford Coppola's fantastic adaptation of S.E.
Hinton's classic novel of 50s teenage rebellion, or is it 60s?
I don't know.
But what a great film.
But the cast is incredible, isn't it, Brett?
It is, mate.
There's a few in there, isn't there?
Name them.
Who can you name?
Er, well, Tom Cruise.
The Cruise.
The Swayze.
Erm... What about the Estevez?
The who, sorry?
Is it Emilio Estevez?
Oh, yes, sorry, Milos, yesterday.
Dylan, isn't he in there?
Dylan, Dylan, Matt Dylan, Rob Lowe.
Oh, the list is endless.
Ralph Macchio, Diane Lane.
Incredible cast, and what a fantastic film.
It's just been re-released on American DVD with 22 extra minutes and an amazing documentary.
And all the uncut scenes with Jimmy Cranky you finally get to see.
All the Cranky moments.
So, Brett, you're gonna get a copy of Sin City.
Yeah.
Er, it doesn't really seem right that the loser gets one and you just get the same thing.
Ah, it's not a problem mate, I can deal with that.
Oh, look at that, you're so affable.
Thanks for calling Brett, congratulations, thanks for listening.
Have a good day and, er, keep installing those ceilings.
Wow.
Nice people calling in.
I should have said stay gold, stay gold Brett.
Stay gold, nice job.
Anyway, thanks a lot for calling in you guys.
Sedum and Joe on XFM will be back very soon.
And you jerk it out
Can I say hello to Bruce in Essex?
Go on then.
He said, I bleep and love you guys.
I've got all your DVDs and all your posters around my room and I listen to your radio show and I'm driving around naked.
What?
We don't have posters.
Well, I don't care, but even if it's lies, I like that.
It's the kind of text I like.
Maybe he's made a poster.
That would be great.
He probably has.
He probably has.
Hello, Bruce.
Thanks a lot, man.
And you know, we've only got one DVD, but still, maybe he's bought more than one copy.
Maybe.
And I recommend, uh, everyone does that.
That's a- that's a good way to go.
So that was Jack Johnson that you just heard.
The, uh, slightly wet, sexy sound of Jack Johnson.
Do you know what I said about that record?
Go on.
What did you say, John?
I said it was advert music.
Brilliant.
While it was on the island.
Yeah.
Advert music.
Everyone agreed.
Yeah.
And then halfway through it, do you know what I said?
What?
I said, if your bank is being- you know, I did a little voiceover, and it- it just fitted, didn't it?
I wish you'd been here.
I'm so cynical.
Listeners, because it was a-
It was a very funny, cynical moment from Cornish.
It was classic Cornish.
What's that artist's name?
Jack Johnson.
Well, forget him, he's history.
Doesn't stand a chance after Cornish has got his talons into him.
You should be on some kind of late night Channel 4 talk show.
FAQU.
Yeah, exactly.
You could host it.
For a week, you could host it, and they're gonna have more types of shows like that on Moore 4.
Hey, have you seen those adverts for Moore 4?
Yes, they're big.
They're big.
I didn't even realise it was more for it, it had to be explained to me.
Cos it- to me it looked as if- I'm talking about these huge great billboards they've got around London, with neon letters saying, uh, get ready for the new- It's Channel 4's new, uh, what is it?
Yeah, it's- it's supposedly, uh, the equivalent of BBC 4.
That's true for Channel 4.
So it's supposed to be, you know, if you've been wondering where all the intelligent programs have gone, then here they are.
They've been saving them up for the last few years, and they're going to be on more for.
That's right.
It's the highbrow zone.
Yeah.
That's the theory anyway.
Imagine.
I can't believe that's actually going to happen.
But I thought the ads were kind of confusing, because it looks as if Channel 4 is just shamelessly saying, we've got a new porn channel.
It does, doesn't it?
It looks like a filthy- maybe that's it.
That is Channel 4's equivalent of BBC 4, isn't it?
Right.
It'll just be porn.
That's what they mean by adult programming.
yeah yeah well there's there's um adverts for film four at the moment that uh make a big deal out of the fact that they're showing loads of foreign films that are just filthy really what films are they showing i can't even remember um romance by catherine boy i think one of them was e to mama tambien which is that's good that's good nice and dirty that's a very filthy anyway let's make it more family because it's saturday afternoon that's true and apologize for that parents of young children
But they'll all be outdoors, painting with Rolf and things like that.
That's true.
So listen, we've got a text competition coming up soon, talking of telly.
Were we talking of telly?
Yeah, we were.
And the prize is going to be these tickets to the 10th anniversary PS2 UK B-Boy championships.
Scratching, mixing, breaking, boogalooing, probably some tagging on the walls on the way in.
Yeah.
That's happening on Sunday 9th October at the Carling Academy in Brixton.
So if you want to win those, stand by on the texts.
8-3 XFM for a brilliant competition.
I'll explain it in a second.
Steve- And you're not gonna- you're not gonna tell us what that is before the- before the- Ricky- I thought we could tease it.
It's exciting.
Steve- Easing?
Ricky- Yeah.
Steve- Ooh.
Ricky- Yeah.
Steve- Ooh, stuff it.
Steve- Um, and another thing, incidentally, about that Jack Johnson single, just to go back to it.
I think it was featured in Lost.
Uh, do you watch Lost, Joe?
No, I can't watch last.
Well, I've watched two episodes.
I've stopped watching.
Why did you stop?
Because it's- because they'll never- it'll be rubbish.
I mean, the secret of the island will be bad.
Basically, they'll hold- they won't tell you until the figures go all the way down.
Right.
They'll wait till everyone stops watching, then they'll reveal the secret of the island, and it'll be rubbish.
Man, I've been through the X-Files.
I don't want to go through that again.
I know exactly what you mean.
I mean, there's only three things that it can be, really, isn't it?
Yeah.
Do you remember that bit in Stand By Me when they're sitting around the campfire, the film about the three kids, Stand By Me?
Sure.
They're sitting around the campfire, they're talking about, uh, Wagon Train, and how they never get anywhere.
That's right.
How come the guys in Wagon Train never get anywhere?
It's the same deal.
Battlestar Galactica, they never got to the earth.
That's the point!
They're keeping you watching by dangling a carrot that you will never be fed.
But that's like life.
It's the journey.
Not really.
Not really.
Not really.
Well, you know, I like films, they end.
I don't like telegram, it goes on forever.
That's just me.
But, man, you should watch because maybe they've thought of a new thing, that it's gonna blow your mind and the island's in Joe Cornish's brain.
Have you thought about that?
Well, if that was true, if it was actually in my- yeah, well, that would be different.
We're in Joe Cornish's brain!
The plane crashed- There's no polar bears in my brain.
And the people in my brain are less annoying.
And they certainly don't- you know what put me off most about Lost?
What?
It's that poster.
They didn't look lost.
They looked like they'd found a sort of fashion shoot.
Yeah.
Maybe that's just a sexy part of your brain that you don't know about.
And when they were running from those bees, do you remember when they were running from the bees?
Yeah.
They took their shirts off to show their bits.
You wouldn't take your clothes off if you were running from killer bees and reveal your torso or your oily abs.
It doesn't make any sense.
It's absurd.
Because also the bees would be able to sting you faster.
They were CG bees as well.
They were CG bees.
CG bees.
What are they?
So you mean CGI bees yeah, yeah CG bees CG bees CG CG bees.
I don't know music Okay, I tell you what we're gonna play some music in the second hour of course But first here's some adverts to take us into our second exciting our hero and might learn to speak by then
This is XFM.
Ladies love him.
Men want to be him.
It's Dave Grohl with the Foo Fighters, of course, and DOA.
They're opening up our second hour here on XFM.
This is Adam and Joe.
So, Joe, you've got a text competition.
Yes, it's time for our text competition.
Do we have any more jingles?
Oh, right.
Have we got a text competition jingle?
We're still a bit rusty, listeners.
I'm sorry about this.
It's only our second week back after our summer break.
Er, here we go.
Yeah.
All right.
Wow, great jingle.
I'm glad we played that.
This is a text competition.
You can only enter by text.
Our competition rules are very strict here on the Adam and Joe show.
The text is 83XFM.
I've been checking out the schedules for the American fall TV season.
I thought you were gonna say my ass No, the is it the fall in America yet the fall?
I think it is Yeah, when it's autumn the new season all the big new shows come out in America.
Sure
And there are some very, very stupid ones with some really stupid names, right?
So I'm going to tell you the names of the shows, not, this is just for Adam, but you can play along at home or in your cars or on your iPods.
So I'm going to tell you the name of the show and you've got to tell me what the show's about.
OK.
OK, here's a good one.
Er, Inconceivable.
Erm, it's a show called Inconceivable.
It's about- it's a sitcom set in a lady's uterus.
Very close!
It's set in a fertility clinic, er, and it stars ER's Ming Na and Jonathan Cake.
And it's about the endless drama of birth, Inconceivable, OK?
Here's another one, Hot Property.
I know there's a show in the UK called Hot Property, but forget that.
This is a big, sexy, new primetime American TV show called Hot Property.
What's that gonna be about?
Er, people... say agents who try to sell, er, properties that are fire damaged.
Well, that's good, but you've missed the obvious sexy angle on it.
It's about sexy, man-obsessed women running a Manhattan real estate office.
Hot Property.
Can you imagine?
This is what you're gonna get on Moore 4.
That's right.
OK, here's another one.
Bones.
Bones.
Bones?
APM Central.
Well, that's clearly a medical drama of some kind.
Wrong.
Really?
Yeah.
What is it?
Forensic anthropologist Temperaments Brennan builds cases from skeletal remains while sparring with her FBI partner.
Oh, no.
Partner.
Went a bit English at the end there.
Partner.
What a name for a character is that Temperance Brennan.
That's not very good.
Terence Brennan, honestly.
Bones, so that's- Bones is actually a forensic one.
I- I was hoping maybe it would be, uh, like a spin-off show about, uh, the guy from Star Trek, but he's dead, I think, isn't he?
Here's a good one.
Out of Practice.
Out of Practice?
Yeah.
Well, it's about, like, a doctor who's retired.
Almost correct.
Henry Winkler, Stockard Channing, just divorced parents in a dysfunctional family of doctors.
So you get the idea, basically we want you to come up with your own ridiculous show title for the new US season.
Does that make any sense?
Yeah, yeah.
Just for a stupid American import show.
For example, I've got a few medical ones here.
OK.
They're usually the easiest to come up with.
The Bleedy Men?
The Bleedy Men.
That's not so good.
The Bleedy Men.
How about this one?
This has got more of a story.
Hang on.
What's the Bleedy one?
It's just about bad doctors, is it?
It's rubbish.
I'm sorry.
Don't listen.
Ignore that one.
How about this one?
Thousands of Casts.
Like, cast of thousands.
Let's put it the other way.
And that's about people who put the casts on broken bones in... It doesn't matter.
It needs more.
You need sex here.
I've got one.
Here we go.
High Healers.
I like it.
This is about sexy lady doctors on a plane.
Yeah?
They're high, they're healing people, they wear high heels.
High healers with an EA!
Yeah.
You see, that's brilliant.
High healers.
Can you do better than that, listeners?
Who would be in high healers?
Sarah Jessica Parker?
Yes.
Uh, uh, uh, Matt LeBlanc?
Possibly.
He's around.
He'd be the captain.
Joey can't go on for much longer, surely.
Ooh, gee, oh, cool.
Oh, stop it.
Spiky wiky.
Spiky.
So 83 XFM if you can come up with a better title for an idiotic sexy new American TV show and you could win Tickets to the Carling Academy Brixton what I'm reading this wrong 10th anniversary ps2 UK b-boy championships And you have to tell us kind of what the show's about yeah, so I think high healers forget the bleedy men and We'll play some music and this is gonna be easy to win because I think no one will enter get texting 83 XFM Oh
That's the future heads with hounds of love.
These are good, man.
We're getting good texts in.
I can't read out faulty twin towers though, can I?
No, you can't.
That's bad.
Um, but here's a good one.
Um, stalking pork.
still okay that's not such a good one a serial killer hunts fat americans it'll never end that's an anonymous text do send your name that's got to that's got a kind of racist political angle stalking pork it has a bit hasn't it uh four i no that's not good sorry no i'll read it anyway because the person who said the four eyes the odd couple with glasses uh we'll uh go to a different one what about this
Adam's Apple, spin-off from the Adam and Joe show where Adam lives in New York.
That's good, man.
That's quite good.
What about this?
Golden Showers.
What's Golden Showers?
A sitcom where it starts raining gold in a small US town.
It's from Alex.
That's quite good.
It just rains gold all the time.
Imagine the drama.
I didn't think it was gonna go in that direction, I must say, when I heard the title.
No, no, no.
Smash, a show about sexy paramedics who have to take their shirts off at car accidents.
That's from Yuri.
The reigning gold is from Alex.
Adam's apple's from Geoff.
Can you beat that to win these tickets to the UK B-Boy championships?
What?
I like Smash.
I'd call it Sexy Smash, though.
Sexy Smash.
Sexy Smash.
Yeah.
A bit like Crash.
No, I'd tell you what I'd call it.
Car Crush.
Car Crush?
Car Crush.
That's good.
Because you're like caught in the wreckage.
Yeah.
And you're badly hurt, but the doctor who's rescuing you's got his shot.
You know, that's what David Cronenberg should have called Crash.
Car Crash.
You're right, yeah.
So if you can beat these, text 83XFM.
This is a very high standard.
Yeah.
Keep texting.
You've got a lot to live up to.
Free play time now.
This is a band that actually sounded a bit like the Future Heads in many ways, but of course they did it all long before the Franz Ferdinand's and the Future Heads and all those bands.
I'm talking about XTC.
I feel like I'm walking right up to the
That's XTC with 10 feet tall from their album Drums and Wires, which if you don't already own, you should purchase within the hour.
You join us at the gut-wrenching climax of our text competition.
We've been asking you to think up names for new stupid American import shows.
We've got some really, really good ideas.
How about The Breast Wing?
Sexy goings-on in a fried chicken eatery.
That's quite good, isn't it?
That's quite good.
But you'd need a political angle, surely, if it's gonna be called The Breast Wing.
Here's a rude one.
Knob Jockeys.
Wait for it.
Is this about us?
A tale of two very part-time DJs.
Yeah.
OK, I saw that one coming.
Here's one.
Extreme Burn.
An action-packed show set in a busy tanning salon.
That's from Drew.
Tanning?
Tanning.
Did I say that strangely?
It's a telling.
Tanning salon.
That's from Drew.
Knob Jockeys was from Jimbo.
The breast wing was from Paul.
What have we got?
What have we got?
What else?
What else?
Here's another potentially rude one, but if you think it's rude, parents, it's not rude.
Wait for it.
It's called Stiffies.
And it's about a maverick morgue worker.
That's from Simon in Dartford.
You could make it rude fairly easily.
Yeah.
Erm... OK, but sharpshooters.
An American sperm bank that only uses hunky intellectuals.
That's a good one, isn't it?
Sharpshooters.
Right.
In suits.
Yeah, I guess so.
Mm.
Er, but we've got a winner on the line.
By quite some way, I think.
By quite some way.
Nick, are you there?
Hello, hello, how are you doing?
Very well.
Nick, you're a clever man.
Oh, well, you know, we try.
Do you work in television?
Yeah, I was going to ask that.
No, no, no, I don't.
You should, shouldn't you?
Cos this is a good idea.
Tell us your idea.
The idea is to put a show called In Bread, and it's about a bunch of toothless rednecks that move to Manhattan and open a sandwich shop.
Open a sandwich shop?
In Bread?
You see, I thought it would be set in the Deep South, and it would be a set of Deep South bakers.
I see, that's a clever spin on it.
Yeah, a sort of deliverance with a smell of fresh bread.
Yeah, and some nice pancetta maybe.
Yeah, and the promotional giveaway could be a sort of scratch and sniff bread card, couldn't it?
You have to be in the shape of a banjo, though.
Yeah, that's fantastic.
Well done, Nick.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a designer.
You are wasted in design.
Yeah, get pitching, man.
TV needs you, I'm telling you.
Well, you know, maybe you guys can help me.
So are you up for going to the 10th anniversary PS2 UK B-Boy Championships, Nick?
I am, yeah, yeah.
I'll get my lino out and get practicing.
Yeah, brilliant.
Carling Academy, Brixton, Sunday the 9th of October.
Those tickets are winging their way to you.
I love saying that.
That's a good phrase.
Thanks for listening and calling, Nick.
Yeah, thanks a lot, Nick.
And thanks for everybody else who texted.
That was an extremely high standard.
Aw, man.
Hey, you know what?
It's almost gonna be time for Ditties in the Dock.
Oh, that's exciting.
Yeah, it's an exciting new feature.
And you know what?
This is when you can win the on-back backpacks.
On-back backpacks!
So stand by to win the on-back backpacks.
Everybody who calls, everybody who gets on the air and ditches in the dock will win an on-back backpack featuring the fantastic film starring Tony Yah, a young Thai man who trained in kickboxing by jumping off the elephants he was cleaning as a boy in Thailand.
making this up as you go along?
Wow.
And your skull will be popped.
Is this what he would do to you in real life, or is it in just the film?
No, he's a very sweet man.
He's a lovely, lovely, sweet man, but he's lethal.
He's lethal.
He's called Tony Yarr.
A lovely, lethal man.
Well, all that's to look forward to in the second, er, in the final half hour.
Yeah, in about 20 minutes of the show.
There you go.
That's sort of epic and stirring, isn't it?
That's Ben Folds with Landed.
Hey, and you know what?
Marsha, the lovely Marsha, who's coming on after us at three, has got Ben Folds tickets to give away.
Her voices are particularly hoarse and sexy today, so I do recommend you stay tuned.
Yeah, plus I wish you could see her.
She's got an amazing dress on that just stops just above her nipples.
And so the rest of her is nude.
Well, that's not literally... That's true, actually.
It's mainly true.
So if you look at her- if you sort of covered the dress up, you can easily imagine she's being- Yeah, Adam was crouching behind his console so that he could imagine he was n- she- she was nude.
It was great.
Yeah.
Anyway, uh, that's all kind of sexist.
Sorry about that, Marsha.
There's- she's a fantastic DJ as well.
Um, and- You're listening to Adam and Jo on XFM.
We should remind people, uh, coming up in about five minutes, we've got Ditties in the Dock, and that's your chance to win the On Back Back Packs.
On Back Back Pack!
Uh, Joe, did you see a show- JOE No, I should tell people, they're not actually backpacks, they're shoulder bags, but, you know- RYAN Right.
You can't not see a young backpack.
They're called backpacks.
JOE Yeah.
RYAN They're called, I think, aren't they?
JOE Yeah, that's not as funny, though, is it?
RYAN No.
Um, did you see a show on Channel 5 this week?
I don't even know the name of it, but it was about how difficult it can be to be a celebrity.
JOE I didn't see that show, no.
RYAN Uh, and so it had all sorts of, uh, stories about moments when things have gone bad for so-called celebrities.
One of them was about, I can't even remember the girl's name.
Do you remember the, uh,
Xanthe, the girl whose breast exploded on a airplane, cos she'd had silicon implants, and she was a kind of weird-looking, page-three girl, who'd had so much... She said, I've had so much surgery, I've actually literally lost count of how many operations I've had.
It was all sort of... It was pretty sad, really, a lot of this stuff.
So it was about what happens when a minor celebrity's career implodes, or breasts explode.
It wasn't just about breasts.
The thing that moved me most on this programme, which I didn't watch the whole of, was Richard Blackwood.
The story of Richard Blackwood's fall, basically, after his meteoric rise, which I guess he reached the zenith of his career in about 1999.
Well, he had his own show, the Richard Blackwood Show on Channel 4.
He also released an album.
that's right people used to say to him are you trying to be the new will smith the british will smith and he's what would he say he said no no he said yes oh did he say yes yeah yeah that's the thing he basically said that that would be what he would uh hope that his career would i thought he used to say no and then say no i want to be like someone who is even more famous and successful right maybe i'm wrong anyway poor i i like him
I like him too.
He's a very nice guy.
I remember not liking him so much when the Richard Blackwood show was on because it was pretty bad and it was mainly just him telling some Duff jokes.
I think he's on Choice actually right now.
He used to have a show on Choice exactly at the same time.
Yeah, we often bump into him in the building.
Which is good because he won't be listening.
he still looks intense and sexy and he actually quite often has a gaggle of girls downstairs waiting for his autograph.
But he made the mistake of doing that show where they went to a tropical island and got their bowels washed out and his lowest point of Mr. Blackwood's career was holding a bowl of his own feces to the camera.
in Celebrity Detox, whatever it was called.
I think that was after he'd hit bottom.
But on this programme, he found out exactly why it all went wrong for Blackwood, because basically his agent said, at the height of Blackwood Mania, OK, stop working in the UK now, because I'm going to sign you up with ICM or whoever it was in Los Angeles, and we're going to make you into Will Smith.
Not in Britain, but in America.
Ignoring the fact that there already was a Will Smith in America.
Anyway, Richard was obviously very excited, understandably, and cancelled all his engagements in the UK, didn't take on any more work for a year, and waited for the work to roll in in the States.
Richard didn't.
And then afterwards, and he explained all this very candidly, he had like a massive great tax bill at the end of a year when he'd been earning no money whatsoever.
And he'd spent it all the previous year.
Yeah, he spent it all on bling or whatever.
Not drugs because he's totally teetotal, he's really straight edge.
Anyway, so it all went wrong for him.
He had to declare himself bankrupt.
I didn't even realize that.
I didn't know that.
And people were like jeering at him down the street, you're bankrupt!
Oh, that's the world's nastiest jeer.
Yeah.
What's it like to be bankrupt?
And he was sort of going, you know, I'm just a human being.
It's not very nice to be pointed at and called bankrupt, even if you are.
And they had reconstructions in this program.
Of the jeering?
No, not of the jeering, but of a moment when very depressed at home and bankrupt.
Was Richard Backward playing himself in the reconstructions?
No, I was- well, it was difficult to tell because they were very blurry, but it's highly possible that, yes, that- that, you know, he might have said yes to that, uh, bit of work, really, to play himself in the reconstruction.
But anyway, he didn't, I don't think.
But he produced a gun in these reconstructions, and, uh, the implication was that he was at such a low ebb that he wanted to shoot himself.
No!
But I don't- it was- it was unclear, really, because he just said- in the reconstruction you see a guy with a gun and his girlfriend sitting next to him and he was saying, you know, I got this gun out and the girl was saying- my girlfriend was saying, what- what are you doing?
What are you doing with that gun?
And then he just said, you know, it could easily have gone off and killed me or her, but, uh- This is no laughing matter, that's terrible.
Yeah, but I don't think he actually wanted to kill himself, I think he just had a gun.
do you think it yeah maybe it was just some gum yeah they just heard it and they wanted to make it more dramatic but it made me really it sucks i had my gum out what are you doing with that gum oh it's gone off what gum doesn't go off does it leave it long enough you know if you're not working but anyway i i don't know why i mentioned all this really i i suppose i mentioned it because you want to gloat
No, there was a time when I would have wanted to gloat, that's the thing.
Yeah, but now maybe you'll be at home with a gun.
Probably.
For me.
Yeah, some spearmint gun.
And I feel really bad for him and now I wish that things would go even better for him and he could be the British Will Smith, but then if that happened I'd probably want him to... anyway.
I don't know what the point of all that was.
Shall we have some music and then we'll come back with Ditty's in the Dock?
Ditty's in the Dock, stand by to win those on-back backpacks.
Okay.
Er, who was that?
That was Bedouin Sound Clash.
They're not called Bedouin Sound Clash, are they?
I think they are.
Can you get away with being called Bedouin Sound Clash in this day and age?
They've got away with it so far.
It's going well for them.
When the night feels my song.
That's not a good title.
Canadian trio who hail from Kingston, Ontario, while sounding like they're from Kingston, Jamaica.
Well, there we go.
This unusual track received rave reactions from listeners when first played on Music Response and Lauren Strive Time Show.
Well, there we go.
The Bedouin Sound Clash.
Our bat phone just went, but we don't know who was on it.
I was worried it was maybe Richard Blackwood.
Someone complaining about your Blackwood talk.
I wasn't- I wasn't wishing ill on him.
I was mentioning it because I hope things go better for him.
Yeah, and if he was saying all that in the Channel 5 show, then why not say it, uh, on XFM, you know?
Uh, it was this sort of thing about Schieden Frohde.
How do you pronounce that?
Schauden Frohde.
I actually don't know.
Schauden Frohde.
Is it Ditties in the Dock Time?
It certainly is.
Kind of.
That's the music that means it's time for myself and Joe to battle it out for who gets to play the final song of our two hours here at XFM.
This is how it works.
We both pitch you.
You know, we verbally describe the tune that we want to play.
You guys get on the phone.
Dial 0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9.
Vote for either me, Joe or Adam, whichever song you want to hear.
It's the best of five.
We take five calls.
Everybody who gets through to speak to us wins and on back.
backpack it's actually a record bag with an on back t-shirt and a copy of on back on dvd a very good time martial arts extravaganza and the category that we are battling for this week is it's sort of lo-fi comedy jams isn't it lo-fi comedy songs but um all will become clear so i start yeah why not
So I don't know whether anybody out there has been watching The Mighty Boosh, the new series of The Mighty Boosh.
I'm sure they all have.
I think it's the funniest thing for years.
It's absolutely fantastic, beautifully made, really imaginative and amazingly funny.
It's been on BBC3, hasn't it?
Yeah.
It finished a couple of weeks ago and it's coming on 2 soon and it is just a brilliant show and they've got little comedy songs in it.
Little songs they sing that they're all quite short and the one I want you to vote to hear is called love games and it's from an episode of the mighty Boosh featuring a sexy evil merman called Oh Greg
Now, if you've seen it, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
If you haven't seen it, this'll be nonsense, but take my word for it.
It's a fantastic, funky song, all about a sexy merman called Old Greg, and it's from The Mighty Boosh.
So, if you want to hear that, call 0871 222 1049 and vote for The Mighty Boosh.
OK, the song I've got is by a friend of mine.
This is a slightly namedroppy friend because he's Garth Jennings, who directed The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
And this is a song that he emailed me ages ago that he made on his computer or something.
And it's his version of Radiohead's National Anthem, which is a track that appears on Kid A, I think.
It's the one that goes...
Maybe it's amnesia?
I don't know.
Anyway, it's a Radiohead track, but Garth does an amazingly funny sort of acid house version of it, sort of ethnic acid house, with him sort of singing in a speeded up voice over the top.
So how are you going to describe this for the listeners?
Well, what are they going to vote for?
Oh, OK.
Um, um, national anthem.
National anthem?
Yeah.
OK.
What did you call it?
What did you call it?
Acid Radiohead.
Well, yeah, I guess you could call it that.
Yeah.
I think more people would vote for it.
OK, then.
Because it's got Radiohead in the title.
But I kind of want to hear the boosh.
OK.
Well, listen, don't say that.
OK.
0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine.
Vote for either, what are we calling it?
Acid Radiohead.
Acid Radiohead or the Mighty Boosh.
Everyone who gets on wins a prize.
Here are Ween.
That's Ween with Ocean Man.
We're gonna play some ads right now and then we're coming back with Dittys in the Dark.
Oh, it's so exciting!
It's Digits in the Dock, this is Adam and Joe, the last eight minutes of our show, we've got five callers on the line, it is the Mighty Boosh with, I've even forgotten its name, Love Games.
There you go, Love Games versus Garth Jennings with Radiohead's National Anthem.
OK, let's go straight to the lines.
Hello Paul.
Hiya.
How you doing?
Yeah, good mate, you?
Is that a child in the background?
No, yeah, next door.
Next door, OK.
Got a tiny little house with cardboard walls you live in.
No, no, no, it's a big house, but they've got lots of very noisy kids.
OK.
What are you voting for, Paul?
Both things are very appealing, but I think the acid radio head has got some information.
Buxton, it's 1-0 for Buxton, acid radio head.
One vote for Jennings.
Thank you very much indeed, Paul.
You'll be winning the on-back backpack, and an on-back backpack is also going to Ian.
Hello, Ian.
Hello.
Can you say on-back backpack?
On-back backpack.
No, you can't, can you?
That's probably the correct pronunciation.
What are you voting for, Ian?
I'm voting for the Mighty Boosh.
Mighty Boosh, do you watch it?
Yeah, yeah.
Do you like it?
Yeah, really a lot, yeah.
Isn't it amazing?
Just amazing.
I recommend people to buy their Series 1 DVD that's out at the moment.
Yeah, that's good, man.
Packed with exciting extras.
Well done, Ian.
Thanks for calling and on backpack to you.
Who's next?
Ollie.
Hey, Ollie.
Are you there?
I'm here, hello.
How are you doing?
Yeah, very good, thanks.
Very nice to be here.
Now, Ollie, are you going to vote for the Boosh or are you going for Acid Radiohead?
I'm going to go for the Boosh.
The Boosh?
Double Boosh.
That's 2-1 to Cornish, 2-1 to the Boosh.
You know, it's like everybody wins this week because even though it's kind of competitive here and tense, I wouldn't mind hearing the Boosh myself.
And I wouldn't mind hearing the Garth's version of the Radiohead song.
Well, let's see what the fourth caller wants.
Hello, Carl.
Karl, how you doing?
All you want is the on-back backpack.
You don't give a toss about the records.
He's just wandering around in his room going, on-back backpack!
On-back backpack!
Karl, what are you voting for, though, mate?
I want to level it up.
I want to hear the murder of the radio, OK?
That's right.
Radio, it's 2-all.
2-all, thanks, Karl.
This is so tense.
The deciding vote goes to William.
Hello, William.
Hi.
How are you?
You sound like a sensible, intelligent man.
Yeah, I'm only calling up because I want the DVD.
Oh, you don't even want the backpack?
You just want the DVD?
Well, I have that as well.
Do you hate us, William?
Do you hate this show?
No, you used to be funny on Channel 4.
Oh, William, I'm going to do a little fart in your own backpack.
What are you voting for?
Er, the mighty Boosh.
Whey!
So that means Cornish wins.
The Boosh it is.
Cornish wins.
Thanks a lot for your call, William.
I don't think Buxton is that unhappy.
I'm sort of gutted, in a way, because it's a very funny version of that Radiohead song, but I'm sure I'll find a way to squeeze it in one day.
We should play it next week as a free play.
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah.
But listen, let's play the Boosh right now, and I guess we'll come back and say a quick goodbye after this.
Good idea.
Can I set the scene for this?
Yeah, why not?
So, Julian Barrett...
is being seduced by a sexy merman.
Julian's the taller of the two, right?
Yeah.
And the sexy merman, played by Noel Fielding, and he's got seaweed for hair, a pink tutu, and he sort of talks like George Clinton.
He's very strange.
And he shows, basically invites Julian into his cave and tries to seduce him in quite a threatening way.
Julian's trying to back out and make excuses, and that's when we join them.
Maybe I could love you.
most people.
Most people are on the Bush tip.
The Bush tip.
Anyway, listen, thanks a lot for, uh, being with us this week.
We really appreciate it.
That's alright, man.
Uh, not you, you freak.
I'll tell you what, I'll come in again next week.
Will you?
Yeah.
OK.
Do you a favour.
Good.
Uh, but thanks a lot to everyone who, uh, texted in and phoned in and, and, uh, listened to the show this week.
Yes.
We love you very much and miss you and we hope you're well.
Apart from William, who we feel a little indifferent.
Not indifferent, but mixed feelings towards him.
He didn't actually diss us, he just said we used to be funny on the Adam and Joe show, which is true.
I know it sounds as if we've lost it now, the way he, you know, phrased that.
But maybe he didn't mean that.
William, you're fine, but I might pop a little present in your own backpack as well.
See you next week everyone, bye!
Access found.